Men and Women... Can They Be Friends?

MY LAST BLOG POST WAS NOVEMBER 2009?!?!?!?!? How the heck did that happen?!?!

WOW- so much has happened during that time; I don not even know where to start.

OK- let me see... I started my series, "Whose Wedding Is It, Anyway", and I plan on continuing. Thank you for being patient while I have been MIA (especially Rocky and Amy). I will be continuing with my series, but I have to take a moment and talk about a completely random topic...

The Case of the Ex.

When I first got engaged, it was hard to think like a couple because my mind was still in single mode. I had to learn to exchange the "I" for "we" and after 11 months of being engaged (can you believe it has been that long?!), I can truly say that it has gotten much easier (right, babe?!). Every decision no longer affects me, it affects the both of us. When I go shopping, I think about what he wants as well. I do "our" laundry (sometimes); cook "us" breakfast, dish out "our" dinner, etc (hmmm I almost sound like a good house wife! lol). This engagement period has been a huge learning process and has done wonders for our relationship, which will make for an easy transition into married life.

But there are still a few hang ups.

For some reason, I seem to be having a case of the ex. Before you freak out, please, let me explain.

I do not have exes calling me up or texting/FB poking and/or messaging me on a regular basis. Not even on an IRREGULAR basis! I have a personal rule not to speak with exes, so no issue there. BUT I do have guy friends who occasionally make their presence known and that is one thing I have not been able to master- I do not know what to do with my male friends!! Worse yet, I am in a sorority, so my male friends are multiplied by 3 because of my frat brothers.

Although nothing has happened between me and said "male friend(s)", it is still uncomfortable, for me at least, to navigate the tricky waters of platonic male/female friendships. So far, my M.O. has been not to deal with it, but how long can that last? Right now, it is hard to see my life pre-JB, but the truth is, it exists. My goal is not to forget about it forever, but fuse the two as seamlessly as possible. That, my friends, is not easy.

Right now, JB is still in school, so I have met all his college friends. When JB mentions certain names, I know exactly who he is talking about. For me, it is the complete opposite. Every name I mention needs a back up story; not because I have to explain myself, but because I have to explain who they are! The people (men) that JB know and had a chance to meet are cool. It is the the ones whom he has no knowledge of where it gets to be a bit sketchy. The male friends JB has met talk to me and include him in the conversation- even if he is not around. They ask how my fiance is doing, how is the wedding planning, etc. The ones who have NOT met JB talk about random stuff... including parties we went to back-in-the-day, people we used to know (whom I probably do not talk to anyway)- nothing having to do with my present life and relationship, so the conversation is a bit irrelevant and outdated for me.

There is definitely an unbalance and I am trying to find it. I do not want to be the girl that got married and cut all her friends off, but some men just do not understand that certain things are just off-limits to a woman in a relationship.... especially one soon to be betrothed. I guess once they get it, JB meets all of them, I learn how to strike that balance, or all of the above, I will continue to keep things short and maybe even ignore them altogether.

To all my male friends reading this, I cannot say I am sorry for ignoring you, because I am not. Growing sometimes means leaving people behind if they are not growing with you. Thinking back on things that happened years ago is not my idea of a conversation piece; not when my future is much better. Learn that and maybe we can continue to be friends.

Until then and the next time...

Peace.