Lovers & Friends

This is a post from me a year ago that I wrote on another web site. At the time I was mad, but clearly not anymore. Those of you who know me personally know I have moved on!! :) I re-posted this old article because it keeps coming back up- this issue of lover being friends and friends possibly being lovers. I am not sure if it works both ways, but we shall see....

Yesterday my coworker and I had a conversation about people of the opposite sex being friends. We agreed that of course men and women could be friends, but I find myself asking the question, "can lovers be friends"?

Here's why I'm mad:

Maybe I am a bit too quick in writing this, but as my boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend now, broke up with me last night, I got the textbook "we should be friends" line. Now this note is not an attack on him. Maybe deep down inside he really wants to be friends, but why is that the textbook phrase?* Why is that the last resort when men and women break up with each other. Are we really going to have tea and crumpets? Are we going to call each other and catch up? I highly doubt that.

*For the record, women HATE when men say that.

There are people in this world that have wonderful relationships with their ex, but for the most part, you keep it moving. If you wanted to be friends in the first place, you would not have dated them. I referred to the list of guys that I have dated in the past and we have no relationship whatsoever. We may be Facebook friends, but that is as far as it goes. If I see them on the street, I will say hello and exchange pleasantries, but that is it. You talk about the weather and if he/she remembers something from the past they might bring that up. "So how is so and so?" or "Are you still working with the same company?". You do not ask the really tough questions that a real friend asks. You do not ask if they have moved on and if they are dating someone (you ask other ppl for that info). You do not sing kumbaya and have pow wows once a month. When you have issues that need to be resolved, you do not call him/her. You call the ppl that matter. The people who saw you through the break-up, not the person you broke up with.

Now acquaintances is a much better word for the change in relationship that develops after a break-up. Someone that is not really a friend, but they are not your worst enemy either. I am a little different than others because I cross people out of my life, which is both a good and bad thing. Even when they do not deserve it, that is just how I do things. I will probably do the same thing with the new ex-boyfriend. Delete his number out of my phone, de-friend him on facebook, take down all our pictures etc. Not because it was not an amicable break-up but because it makes me feel better about myself and it helps me deal. Who knows, maybe this time it will be different and we just might be really good friends, or maybe not and he will be just like every other man I have ever dated- confined to the pages of history never to be thought of ever again, except to say, "Hey remember that guy I dated a while back?" Whatever the outcome, I'll keep you posted. Until then, if you know any cute single men, holla ;-)

Update- I have since been in contact with said ex and it went rather well. The conversation went exactly how I thought it would and at the end of the day, I still feel the same way. I have no problems having a conversation with this person, but I cannot say I would seek him out to be a friend either. Also, that last line is no longer applicable.